It’s a good thing it is extremely busy here : from getting all the clubs ready and out the door to prepping, dyeing and packing the latest Outlander adventure and getting all kinds of fibres and yarns ready for the weekly update. It is not busy, it is madness …It does keep me going in a straight line and keeps my mind off some of the tough and extremely difficult things that other wise would do my head in and make my life miserable.
I am not saying that I am the “ just shove it under the carpet” kind of people, I do deal with the hard stuff , but for the really hard stuff, no matter how you “deal “ with it, it never really goes away and every so often, somebody or something puts that dreaded obstacle in your way , for you to hit your head on or say something that makes your heart sink. Sometimes the hard stuff just never goes away….and sometimes days are easier and sometimes they are tougher ….
I have come across a lot of stories and messages and articles lately that make clear that I am not the only one struggling with this. What is this about you say? Well, let me just come straight out with it: it is being childless….it is a very very tough one , especially for a happy Friday night, but it needs to be brought out in the open. I have been on the receiving end of so many horrible insensitive questions and I am not the only one. And it is time this stops. Unlike what the media and society in general wants you to believe, it is not that easy to have kids.
I have experienced that first hand , when after 9 miscarriages and then being plunged into the fun path of uterine cancer with all its treatments, the possibility to ever create a baby disappeared like snow on a hot day.
I still remember at one of the fibre events I did , three months after I had all my reproductive organs ripped out and cancer treatments plunged me into surgical menopause , some woman I had never seen before asked me “ How many kids do you have?” to which I sweetly replied “ eh..eh…none” , trying not to break down completely and cry my eyes out, she had the audacity to respond “ aha! I understand now ! That is why you can dye and spin and weave so much ! ha.. “ and she walked off in a huff…!! To this day I still remember that conversation to the letter and ..I still want to punch that woman in the face….(I have to add: I am not a violent person!! Really ! lol)
And still, people never stop asking me “why don’t you have kids”, or “ how many kids do you have?” or assuming that my family automatically consists of children. It is heart breaking and automatically pushes me off the cliffs of despair. I did answer once or twice in a bitchy voice “No! I had cancer and that was the end of it, thank you very much and have a nice day!” but then they just stare at me blankly and turn away, either not knowing what to say in shame or –in most cases- it just does not sink in how much their questions are hurting. Just today I saw a very humourous way to respond by a friend of a friend: Conversation can be as follows: "Why don't you have kids yet? " "I have three children." "Do you, can I meet them , what are their names?" "No, you cannot meet them. They are.., far away." "With their grandmother?" "I don't know what that word means. No, they are not with a human." "Then, umn..." "One day, you will be in the space they inhabit. Wait. You will meet the flesh of my flesh. I shall be glad of it." "Ok, well, I've..." "Do you have children? Are they baptised? Are they afraid of the dark? Do you think they'd miss their hair? "
Two or three conversations like that, no one is asking nuffing…….”
LOL..thanks for the laugh Christian R. I hope I can be strong enough to reply to anybody like that in the future, but I will start carrying photos of aliens in my wallet just to be on the safe side ..NanuNanu ….
So, no, it is not okay to ask anybody when or how or how many kids they have …it is hurtful..also it is not okay to suggest that any couple not having kids does not count as a family. Childless families already are left out of so much and, it does not stop when you hit 40. First you were hit over the head with “do you have any kids?” and then there’s the time that you have to “explain” yourself again “How many grandkids do you have”……it is a never ending torturous rollercoaster ride.
Even when you are not being asked questions, when you are female, in a certain “fertile” age bracket and active on the internet, you get these fun questionnaires and ads to participate in, like “how many kids will you have? Take this test and find out!” …having children is not a given. Being a female is not the guarantee that you will have children. If in doubt, please read the following article here: http://www.shebudgets.com/lifestyle/things-never-say-couples-without-children
On the positive side: I have been so busy creating fluffy stuff it will knock your socks off…lol…For this weeks update something so soft and lush it might be deemed illegal…: Cashmere fling ! Here are some nice flings for you to have on the weekend ! Have a wonderful time creating and having fun !
Enjoy todays update ! And, don't forget: the club sign ups will close in about a week or until the quota are reached and it is getting closer and closer.
Just message me on Ravelry or facebook or email me to place your order. Have a wonderful weekend and happy spinning and creating !
Big hugs Charly
Cashmere Fling Tops
(btw want to hear some awesome “hang” music?
Download the album of Hang Massive , titled “Blood Moon” , released now : http://hangmusic.com/music/ )
New IxCHeL Club sign ups Open now (til quotas are reached or until March 31st)
Clubs April, May and June 2015 !
IxCHeL Fibre Club April, May and June
The IxCHeL Sock Yarn Club April, May and June 2015
IxCHeL Funky Bunny Batt Club April, May and June 2015
Dates to put in your Calendar !!
Saturday , September 26th
2. message me on facebook or ravelry where I am Ixchelbunny.
I will email you right back with all your order details and payment methods.
Any questions? Any custom orders for yarn or dyeing fibre? Please don’t hesitate to ask! Always happy to enable.